I say

It's really hard to explain why people do what they do. I know that everybody is the hero of their own story. Sometimes it's difficult to think from the outside. Here too, I definitely feel like the protagonist. But I wonder if that might not be right and realise there is no guilt. Atleast, there is nothing on the lines of his accusation. Its definitely tiresome to be reading about the same person let alone write. Although, thats the only thing happening in my life at the moment. This is probably an outside view for me, considering I have been feeling like the victim sometime and a downright ugly villain sometime. God knows, there are people out there who will be more than excited that I feel this way. And again, it really is boring to write about marriage. The truth is, it always is about marriage or work for married people. It is not the that the knowledge is limited for us. More that the affectation on matters of the emotional side is high. If we are really happy about the going we might not even want to talk about it but when the going is extremely bumpy..... we always want to talk, write, read, empathise, sympathise and what not about it. I think that really is the solace for many. It is an outburst for sure. It will be that until we've said everything that needs to be said. Sometimes a spouse might not understand that need. Especially if they are people who can let off steam and not think about it later. I dont believe that everything can be solved if two people sit together and talk. That only works with people who talk. It does not work with people who do not like to make a discussion out of everything. Mostly men I have observed do not like to talk. And women ruin whats left by talking about it too much. I definitely belong to the second category. Its especially hard when talking is the only thing that can solve a certain issue. Its funny that way because we give up when its crucial whereas under other circumstances we would have never given up talking. One of my friend says, its easier for people to end things than to analyse and resolve. She is right. If it was love that existed between two people then its a lot of pain. But if it is merely a co-existence, it is a lot of money. One of my cousin hanged her two very young children before she hanged herself. There will be a million people who will call it cowardice. But I can never in a million years understand what turbulance she must have been through to do something of this magnitude. We all knew that she suffered a unhappy marriage. And one day she decided to erase any signs of her 28 year old existence from the face of earth. She had left nothing of her to even remotely remember her. Her husband is remarrying in exactly a years time from the incident. It makes me think that love or not, men can forget. And it doesnt matter if you are dead or alive. That knowledge hurts a little. Because they not only forget our existence but also our presence around them. There are exceptional people. But they never belong to us. And there are exceptional women but we can never be them.