Why wud I do dat!!

My friend and I had a bet. He said I am not capable of being overtly sensitive. I din take it up right away but I knew it was close to d truth. I have tried in d past to be extravagant wit emotions. Infact, the last time I tried to sound emotional was such a disaster. I like crying sometime. It makes me feel like I have made d greatest sacrifice ever. But why wud I want to exhibit extreme emotions! It aint like I have lost a body part and have to live wit it for d rest of my life. Maybe its a job dat I wanted or a job I cudn do. But dats alright. I am not d luckiest person on earth to have almost everything I wish for. But sometimes I wish I were d luckiest person. When d room I am sitting in seems like a fort dat has no exit or when all I can see is people who are just as depressed as I, I wish I cud stand out in d rain and close my eyes and feel all d pain go away. I had a friend called John back in school. He said dat when he dreamt about a sunrise early in d morning it was an intuition dat d day was going to b fine. He had his nightmares and he would not come to school dat day. He died in an accident 3 years back. I wonder wat he dreamt of dat day. I dont know if there are angels but sometimes when I need someone to take d depression away, I imagine him saying all those funny things to make me laugh. For a long time now, I have tried to realise wat makes me happy. People certainly dont. If anything they make me wonder if I could be an alien after all. Arent people supposed to b gay normally and feel pain if something terrible happens? I cant believe I think like an idiot most of the time. I dont have a sad life. But something is missing. Inner peace I guess. Though I dont really know wat it means. When I hear someone laugh, it makes me happy. It makes me smile. When I see a train it makes me sad. It reminds of the time I lost, the time that took away the love that I knew. But when I listen to Eminem it makes me happy cos someone sang him almost well. A loud laughter makes me happy. I wasnt so cold long back. And then I grew up and life wasnt so giving anymore. I am sure there are other people who feel the way I do. Am sure there are loads of them hoping for d ray of miracle that wud change their lives for d better. It need not b a better lifestyle necessarily, it cud b something dat lets us rest in peace at d end of a long day. Maybe d ability to sleep the moment we close our eyes witout having to think about all d things dat needs to b done d next day and d day after. D ability to eat d food on d plate becos its tasty and not cos we wud die witout eating. D strength to help mom clean d house though u r tired cos dats d time mom is going to let u know wat worries her d most. D strength to sit through d discussion u have wit dad though its about ur future dat seems blurry to him. D will to watch WWE wit ur brother when u know dat u don remember those wrestlers name nymore and ur brother thinks u r too old now. D will to say 'no' when ur girl friend/boy friend wants to leave u for gud no matter how saintly u r feeling at d moment. They dont sound difficult, they are not difficult to do either. I find it sad when my guy friends say dat the love of their life got married and they were not d groom. 9 out of 10 guys have d same sad story in their lives. And when they narrate it they make it sound like they are d most noble people on earth cos they din trouble d gal too much. And most of them were told by d gal itself dat she was gettin married. They have no proof. Forget d proof, din they feel like losers!! Din it occur to them dat she might not have taken them seriously at all?? And they have d same story to tell until they find a gal who is d real love of their lives until she leaves them. I know it sounds romantic to say 'Call me old fashioned , but I believe dat when u love someone u have to give them watever they need even if it is divorce' . But wudn u want to know why they want it if they were in love wit u? One of my friends said dat his girl friends' father had a heart attack and wanted his daughter to marry a guy of his choice cos he tot he wud die immediately! He is still alive of course and wit no offence to fathers, I think my friend was trying to b d icon of sacrifice though he knows now dat he fell for d old, my- father- is- sick- and- I- am- my- fathers- favourite- daughter' trick. Again there are no love stories witout losers. So we will live wit dat I guess.